U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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