so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
