Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
