Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
