So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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