I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
