my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
