Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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