well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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