i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
