I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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