I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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