We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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