i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
