So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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