Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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