Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
