You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
