there's paper in my vomit.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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