I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
