I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize