I cockslap morals
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
