he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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