he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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