I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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