lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
