there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
