yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
