i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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