Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
