if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
