I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
