let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
