i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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