Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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