I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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