That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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