even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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