im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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