I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
All I want is dick and wine.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
