Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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