I got chris browned last night
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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