I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
