I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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