He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
