i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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