i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
