walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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