remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
