Screwed.edu
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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