i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
