so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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