You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
