its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
