Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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