I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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