I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
