but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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