I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
