He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
