She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
