How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
