Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
