I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
