I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
