Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
