Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
