He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
