It's like God shit irony all over that family
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
